7. The Last Song

Well now, where do I begin with this one...  This movie has a 3.4/10 on imdb which I find a little low.  Yeah the movie was brute but it wasn't unbearable...  The cast was pretty good, minus Hannah Montana who I honestly think got her daddy to pay for her to be in the film.  Throughout the movie, and especially at the very beginning, she does this weird thing with her lips where she tries to pucker them up and make them look all pouty/sexy.  It's gross and weird and it made me very uncomfortable.  Her acting is totally family channel in this movie, and even the little 5 year old kid is better than her.  Of course she had to somehow incorporate her own songs into the movie (twice- one of which she apparently "wrote" for the movie) to show the world how awesome Hannah Montana is.  A few times I thought I was watching Billy Ray in a wig on the big screen but then I heard Miley's speech impediment and remembered who we were dealing with.  I don't know if it was all Miley who ruined the movie, but there was definitely something lacking.  I'm gonna give The Last Song a 3/5.  I wish Adam wouldn't have downloaded this because I'd way rather just read the book.

Memorable quote:   
Steve:  Do you even know what PMS is, Jonah?
Jonah:  Of course I do dad, I'm not a little kid anymore.  It's the "pissed at men  syndrome"

6. Greenberg

Not much happened in this movie, other than life I guess.  The story was simple and the characters were nutty.  I feel sorry for people like them because they don't know how to be happy, or don't think that they deserve to be happy or something.  I felt my blood boil about half way through when some idiot fed booze to the sick dog on blood thinners.  I actually felt sick to my stomach because I was so worried something would happen to Mahler.  But other than that the movie was good and the music was as well!  4/5

Memorable quote:  Hurt people hurt people.

5. The Secret of Kells

Ok first of all, I hate cartoons.  Second, am I high right now?  I can't say whether I liked this movie or not because it's next to impossible for me to follow a cartoon.  I have no idea what it was about, I don't know any of the characters names, and up until two seconds ago I thought the movie was called "Garden of Eden".  Adam went on and on about how nice this movie would look in HD... Obviously he's high as well.  There were like four colours in total, and the drawings were shit.  Half the time I couldn't tell if the big thing flashing across the screen was the guys hand or some kind of weird robotic gyratory rock crusher.  I'll rhyme off a few things that I can recall about what I just watched:  There was a cute cat with one green eye and one blue eye, there was a mean man in a vagina shaped window, there was a ghost who sings, and then all of a sudden I thought I saw Jafar from Aladdin in dog form, multiplied by 10.  I wish I knew what in the sweet shit this movie was about so I can give it some kind of a rating, but unfortunately I have no idea.

Memorable quote:  None

4. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

This movie sucked a big bag of sweaty balls, not to mention the sappy, inappropriate song that plays while the credits roll...   2/5

Memorable quote:  Ah!  My ass is on fire!  My ass is on fire!  Spank my ass.  Spank my ass!

3. The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Why is Robert Pattinson such a bad actor?  And what is with Jasper's facial expressions?  This movie, as with part one, made me feel very awkward and uncomfortable while watching it.  No one knows how to act- they all just make weird faces at each other for 135 minutes.  I used to be a big fan of the books but the movies have absolutely ruined them for me.  The music is pretty good though, and for that New Moon gets a 3/5.

Memorable quote:  It would be nice to not want to kill you all the time.

2. Chloe

We decided, after watching Pretty Woman- a movie about a hooker, to watch Chloe- another movie about a hooker.  If you're wondering about the picture, I just went with the first image that came up on Google.  If you don't like it then shut your eyes.  I was actually asleep when Adam started this movie and was out cold for the first 10-15 minutes.  I woke up and immediately predicted the ending without having seen much of the movie at that point.  Turned out I was right about how it would end.  The only thing I didn't see coming was that their house was made by Dalron- which would explain why the window broke so easily!  Another 4/5.

Memorable quote:  Kiss me.

1. Pretty Woman

Ok, so this was the first movie we watched.  I had actually seen it several times before but Adam hadn't.  The movie starts very nicely with some late 80's sexy music (Real Wild Child).  The movie continues with some late 80's sexy music (Wild Women Do) and ends with Roxette which is probably the coolest thing about the movie.  I remember when I was about five years old I walked down the catwalk to the song "Pretty Woman" at some kind of hillbilly winter festival and I won a Simpsons fanny pack.  Anyways, all in all the movie was pretty good.  I'd give it almost 4/5 mostly because Richard Gere was pretty hot back in the day.

Memorable quote:  You and I are such similar creatures Vivian.  We both screw people for money.

Introduction

Adam wanted me to play some kind of geeky movie watching game so I created this blog to post my reviews in.  It's important that you know how much I dislike watching movies and that there are very few movies I actually really like.  Prepare yourself for some really crappy reviews and lots of sloppy sarcasm.  I guess the object of the game is to watch 50 movies by the end of August which should be a big fat piece of cake for me since I have days off...  The hardest part of this whole thing will be knowing that I'm wasting one entire month of my summer life trying to reach a goal that I find very trite.  The things you do for love...