It Was Fun While It Lasted...

Looks like I won't be hitting 50 this month...  I watched a few other movies since my last review but there's no point in putting a little blurb up about them because I still won't be at 50.  I made it a lot farther than I thought I would though, and for that I am so proud!  Watching all these movies really made me realize how much I love reading (rather than watching) so I hope I can find enough time this fall to read some of the unread books on my bookshelf.  When I used to read a lot, I would put up a little synopsis and picture in my other blog (http://kisstheg.blogspot.com/) of the book I had just finished, along with a little rating just to say whether I liked it or not.  I'd like to start doing that again.  Watching movies is exhausting!

40. The Proposal

Another Ryan Reynolds movie...  This one better than the last, still not that good though.  I like Betty White.  The Proposal gets a 3/5.

Memorable quote:  Do you prefer "Margaret" or "Satan's Mistress"?

39. Fantastic Mr. Fox

It took us two days to finish this movie.  We both fell asleep half way through.  Everyone was right, it totally feels like a regular Wes Anderson movie, but without all the real people.  Was this a cartoon or claymation or stop motion or what?  I have no idea.  Fantastic Mr. Fox is good for what it is though.  If you know what I mean...  4/5.

Memorable quote:  We don't like you and we hate your dad.  Now grab some of that mud, chew it in your mouth, and swallow it.

38. Van Wilder

I can't believe I used to like this movie so much... There's nothing to it and I hate all the actors in it.  I think Ryan Reynolds is hot, but I don't like his attitude in this movie.  Tara Reid is just a mess, Kal Penn is bad with accents and the bull dog's balls aren't even real.  I can't decide whether I should give Van Wilder a 2/5 or a 3/5...

Memorable quote:  Worrying is like a rocking chair- it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.

37. Joe Dirt

It's weird, it feels like my earache is completely gone...  So instead of going to the clinic to get antibiotics, I went and got my hair done.  But my regular hairdresser was all booked up so I had to go to someone new :(  Oh yeah, and Joe Dirt gets a 2/5.

Memorable quote:  What's the deal with your hair?  You doing stunt work for Billy ray Cyrus?

36. Big Stan

Just a typical Rob Schneider movie.  Another typical 2/5 movie.

Memorable quote:  You might as well buy a welcome mat, strap it to your asshole and say "I'm open for business"

35. He's Just Not That Into You

I'm just not that into this movie.

3/5

Memorable quote:  My trampy little sister says MySpace is the new booty call.

34. Bride Wars

First of all, I can't understand why anyone would ever want to get married.  I'm extremely against marriage, especially nowadays.  Secondly, Bride Wars was pitiful.  I can't believe how immature and psychotic the two main girls are.  Adam, I borrowed this movie from Michelle- It's a blu-ray if you wanna watch it.  I give it a 2/5.

Memorable quote:  Your wedding's gonna be huge... Just like your ass at prom.

33. Pineapple Express

I didn't like this movie at all.  I was expecting it to be funny but it just annoyed me.  I usually think James Franco is so hot but he grossed me out in Pineapple Express.  2/5!

Memorable quote:  War is upon you!  Prepare to suck the cock of Karma!

32. Sleeping Beauty

I used to always call Zep my sleeping beauty.  And last night I had a dream and Zep was in it.  It was like she came to visit me in my dream to let me know she's doing okay.  I'm so happy I got to see her again :)

It bugs me how Adam won't watch any Disney princess movies unless they're in Blu-ray.  All my favourite ones don't come in blu-ray yet.  Sleeping Beauty was good though.  I like the colour of Aurora's hair and the fairy Godmothers are cute.  When I was little I used to call my Godmother my "fairy Godmother" haha.  Sleeping Beauty gets a 4/5.

Memorable quote:  Now, father... You're living in the past.  This is the 14th century!

31. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Ok, that's weird...  My earache kinda went away since I wrote that it was sooo bad in the last review (which was like 2 minutes ago).  We'll see how it feels when I write my next one.  Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is a good Disney princess movie.  I just find Snow White so dull and boring though... She's kind and sweet, but she seems super religious or something.  She's the least prettiest of all the Disney Princesses and probably the dumbest for eating the poison apple - Thank goodness there was a boring old Prince who loved her back.  Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs gets a 4/5 because everything else (other than Snow White herself) was awesome.

Memorable quote:  Magic Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?

30. City Island

I have the worst earache right now...  My ear is throbbing and I feel like puking.  I have to wait til tomorrow to go to a walk-in, and even then I'll have to walk there because Adam needs the truck to get to work, and being outside hurts my ear a million times more.  I don't have a fever though so that's good.  I think I have an ear infection caused by the way I clean my earrings, so this is all my fault haha.  I probably got too much water in my ear and all the moisture from the trapped water caused bacteria to grow.  Just a theory, but it could be true.  Anyway, since my ear hurts so much I'm not in the mood to write reviews but I'll do my best.  City Island was pretty funny. I give it a 4/5.

Memorable quote:  Being in prison and not being able to smoke?  That's like being in jail!

29. Remember Me

The plan was to watch a comedy tonight, after having watched two sad movies in a row this afternoon.  We thought "Remember Me" was a comedy...  Turns out it's not.  What the hell was this movie even about?  I totally missed what the main idea of it was.  I'm so confused right now... haha..  Anyways, Emilie de Ravin has the prettiest eyes I've ever seen, and it's so cute how much Robert Pattinson's character loves his little sister.  I give this movie a 3/5.  It wasn't great but it wasn't bad either.  P.S.  Robert Pattinson is a much better actor when he's not playing Edward Cullen.

Memorable quote:  Our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we've touched.

28. Precious

Another sad movie, but not sad in the same way that Seven Pounds was.  Sad as in "that is effed up"!  I'm so glad I have such a great mom!  I always thought I had a crappy father (he's a psychotic gay pirate... literally), but he's nothing compared to Precious' dad.  I just wish I could hug Precious and tell her that everything always has a way of working itself out in the end.  4/5. But as with most other sad movies, I'd never be able to watch it again.

Memorable quote:  Hi, I'm Joann, my favourite colour is fluorescent beige. (wtf is fluorescent beige?)

27. Seven Pounds

I wasn't in the mood to cry today so I didn't let myself when I watched this movie.  I probably could have because it's very sad.  Will Smith and Rosario Dawson were good.  The story is good.  Good is all "Seven Pounds" is though.  I hate watching sad movies, they're depressing.  But then they always make me realize how much I have in my life to be grateful for, so I guess it's not so bad...  4/5 but I'd never watch it again.

Memorable quote: 
Larry:  How much longer you gonna be staying in my hotel?
Ben:  I was planning on dying here.
Larry:  Then you'll have to pay in advance.

26. Groundhog Day

This is another bedtime movie of mine, and coincidentally Bill Murray stars in this one as well.  I love Bill Murray and I love Groundhog Day.  Imagine having to live the dullest day of your life over and over again?  With the dullest woman in history (Andie MacDowell)?  And having to wake up to Sonny and Cher's "I Got You Babe" every single morning?  I'd puke my brains out.  Good thing Phil figures out how to break the vicious cycle!  4/5

Memorable quote:  You're not a God.  You can take my word for it... This is twelve years of catholic school talking. (I knew just by the way Rita dressed that she was religious!)

25. Lost in Translation

I love this movie, it's so pretty!  Bill Murray is awesome, I could do without Scarlett Johansson, but she was good for the part anyway.  I used to put this movie on every night when I went to bed.  The whole movie just sounds so pretty and relaxing, and all the shots of Japan at night are beautiful!  The menu has a really good song to sleep to.  It makes me think of Japanese fairies flying over the city at night.  The song "Just Like Honey" by the Jesus and Mary Chain plays at the end of the movie and it's PERFECT!  I love the Jesus and Mary Chain.  The whole soundtrack is good.  5/5

Memorable quote:  The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you.

24. The Rocker

This would be a good movie to rent if you were babysitting a bunch of 12-year-olds on a Friday night.  3/5

Memorable quote:  Some people carry a rabbits foot... I like to rock a pocket of puke.

23. Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj

Sometimes Taj had an Indian accent, sometimes it was British, and sometimes he had no accent at all!  Kal Penn just couldn't get it right.  This movie was just plain stupid... I don't even know what else to say about it.  1/5

Memorable quote:  None worth mentioning..

22. Obsessed

Idris Elba is a handsome black man and the best thing about this movie.  Beyonce was her usual "I'm a big black strong woman" self, and Ali Larter was the creepy stalker.  At the end of the movie, a romantic song by Beyonce plays which is called "Smash into You".  These are the lyrics:  I want to smash into you, I want to smash into you... etc.  2/5.

Memorable quote:  You came inta ma howse, you touch ma chile...  You think yo crazy?  I'll show you crazy!

21. Henry Poole Is Here

I watched this movie by mistake this morning.  I woke up at 7 to drive Adam to work, and when I returned home I turned on the TV.  A crappy sports news thing was playing so I turned it to a movie channel and sat on the bed with Lucy.  At some point I realized I was watching a movie.  A movie that had Luke Wilson and Larry David's wife in it.  Luke Wilson is hot so I decided to keep watching.  "Henry Poole Is Here" was so-so.  Not good, not bad.  Not much happened and it was kind of boring.  The funnest part about it was the water fight he has with the little neighbour girl, but even that was lacking fun.  Sometimes Luke Wilson does really crappy movies...  3/5.

Memorable quote:  Imagine that there was something wrong with you Mr. Poole, and you did this seemingly meaningless thing...  Put your hand on a wall and you were healed.  (This quote isn't special or anything... Just couldn't think of anything better to write.)

20. Sixteen Candles

I looove John Hughes movies!  Sixteen Candles is about a family who forgets their daughter's sixteenth birthday.  Samantha Baker, played by Molly Ringwald, feels totally sorry for herself throughout the movie because a) her family forgot her birthday, and b) she thinks the guy she's in love with doesn't even know she exists.  Jake Ryan is hot by the way...  And if that isn't bad enough, Long Duk Dong, a creepy Chinese exchange student who resides with Samantha's grandparents, finds a girlfriend after being there for only a few hours...  This annoys Sam as she has "lived there her whole life and she's like a disease".  The 80's rocked!  4/5.

Memorable quote:  No more yankie my wankie.  The Donger need food.

19. The Time Traveler's Wife

I broke my rule of never watching the movie before reading the book.  I actually have the book downstairs on my bookshelf but I never got around to reading it.  I was in a bit of a gloomy mood today so I thought this movie would be a good choice.  I'm sure most people know what this movie is about, and if you weren't sure, well the title pretty much sums it up.  The Time Traveler's Wife was a good movie.  It was sweet and it made me cry.  There were a few things that I really liked, with the biggest of them being the wedding song- Joy Division's Love Will Tear Us Apart performed by Broken Social Scene.  That song was absolutely perfect for this movie.  I also really liked Clare's engagement ring.  I have never seen one like that before.  Rachel McAdams was very pretty in this film and this was the first time I had seen Eric Bana, but I liked him!  He's so cute.  I like the sexy outfit he's wearing in the darkened alley haha  4/5.

Memorable quote:  I never wanted to have anything in my life that I couldn't stand losing. But it's too late for that. It's not because you're beautiful and smart. I don't feel alone anymore. Will you marry me?

18. Doubt

Very, very good movie.  Awesome cast. Meryl Streep obviously rocks, Philip Seymour Hoffman just looks like a creepy perv, so he was perfect, and Amy Adams is so cute!  Makes me want to watch "Enchanted".  4/5.

Memorable quote:  I have no sympathy for you. I know you are invulnerable to true regret...  And cut your nails.

17. I Love You, Man

I Love You, Man was a decent movie.  I don't think I really laughed out loud but the story was cute anyway.  Paul Rudd's character reminded me a lot of dear old Adam which is kinda funny.  This would be a good movie for background noise, like if you don't want to sit in complete silence but you don't really want to sit there and concentrate on the movie playing on the TV.  I really liked the handsome collection of groomsmen!  4/5.

Memorable quote:  Peter matured sexually at a very early age. I remember taking him swimming when he was twelve years old... The kid had a bush like a forty year old Serbian.

16. Did You Hear About the Morgans?

I keep calling this movie "Remembering the Morgans" by mistake.  Either way though I can guarantee that no one cares about the Morgans.  Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker are probably the two most annoying actors I've ever seen.  She is so phony I can't even handle life when I'm watching her.  After talking with Kristi and Katie about how many times I tried watching this without ever actually being able to make it to the end, I decided to try one last time.  I finally made it to the credits. BRUTAL movie!  Don't ever watch it.  1/5.

Memorable quote:  none.

15. Bandslam

Bandslam was packed with family channel sluts.  It wasn't as bad as you'd expect- but I definitely wouldn't recommend it to anyone.  I don't really have much to say about this movie... It was just kind of "whatever".  It tried to be all cool and indie, the same way that the O.C. and Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist did, which just ended up coming across as fake (that's just my opinion though).  Lisa Kudrow wasn't as annoying as I'd expected her to be and the main kid always looked like he was about to puke his brains out.  3/5.

Memorable quote:  DUI! DUI! DUI! Do we wanna rock?!

14. National Lampoon's Vacation

Vacation is awesome.  The Griswolds drive across the country to Walley World, a theme park in California.  I like this movie because it's really funny, Chevy Chase is hot, and we took almost the exact same route when we drove to California a few years ago so it's pretty neat to see them drive past all the places we drove past.  We ended up getting lost in East St.Louis, in what looked like the same neighbourhood the Griswolds got lost and had their hubcaps stolen in.  4/5.

Memorable quote:  I think you're all fucked in the head.  We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out!  Well I'll tell you something.  This is no longer a vacation, it's a quest.  It's a quest for fun.  I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun...  We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our godamn smiles.  You'll be whistling zip-a-dee-doo-dah out of your assholes!

13. The Ugly Truth

Gerard Butler just wasn't hot enough for me to enjoy this movie.  There's nothing that ruins a film faster for me than when they cast an ugly creep as the main love interest.  The worst movie ever for that was Pretty in Pink.  The guy was not only unattractive, but he did a weird thing with his eyes every time he spoke.  I guess I could see how an old desperate woman would get horny for Gerard, but he just didn't do anything for me.  I also find women like Abby very annoying, therefore this movie gets a 3/5.

Memorable quote:  It's not for you, it's for your bean.

12. The Box

If only my box would grant me a million dollars and kill someone I don't know when pushed. Kidding...  But seriously, this movie has the worst premise ever.  It makes absolutely no sense.  I don't understand where Mr. Steward gets his options from that he presents to the couple throughout the movie.  Maybe I missed something important, but I doubt it.  I think this movie just really, really sucks.  2/5.

Memorable quote:  There are always consequences...  (Not really memorable... I just couldn't remember any others!)

11. Assassination of a High School President

Aw frig, I'm eating a banana right now and I sneezed and got banana in my hair...
This was the first movie in the list of "comedies" on On Demand, which was not much of a comedy at all...  I didn't so much as smile once throughout.  The plot was boring and the big conspiracy that was supposed to surprise us at the end left me feeling angry that I wasted a couple hours of my life on this crappy movie.  I didn't like any of the characters or actors and Bruce Willis was annoying.  The music was probably the best thing about the film and even that wasn't amazing.  Oh yeah, and Mischa Barton's character was named Francesca Fachini, a pure Italian name, no?  But Mischa doesn't look the least bit Italian.  2/5.

Memorable quote:  Do I come to the strip club where you work and pull the dick out of your mouth?

10. Caddyshack

Chevy Chase was pretty hot back in the day!  Caddyshack was pretty funny- it made me want to watch Meatballs.  The only complaint I have is that Rodney Dangerfield was too annoying/obnoxious for my liking.  Just look at his face in that picture... haha wowza.  Caddyshack gets a 4/5.

Memorable quote: A flute without holes is not a flute... A donut without a hole is a danish.

9. Igor

On Demand totally tricked me!!  I was searching through the comedies for a movie to watch today and when I hovered over "Igor" it said that John Cusack (yum) and Jeremy Piven (yum) were in it and the first three words in the description were "A gifted scientist".  I thought to myself hell yeah! and pressed "select".  Well after about five minutes of watching what I thought was a trailer for a shitty cartoon, I realized that Igor was in fact a shitty cartoon (the same thing happened to me at the theatre once- Adam didn't tell me that "How to Train Your Dragon" was a cartoon... I found out the hard way).  So anyways, as with most cartoons I had a hard time following it but it wasn't too, too bad.  It reminded me a lot of "Cats Don't Dance" for some reason.  Maybe the way the characters were drawn or something...  Igor gets a 3/5!

Memorable quote:  It's better to be a good nobody than an evil somebody.

8. I Love You Phillip Morris

I should really be doing homework right now but I really hate doing homework and as much as I hate writing reviews, I'd rather write a review than write the Chapter 10 Persuasive Memorandum, so here I am.  I watched this movie about a week ago and to be honest, I can't remember much about it... That's how forgettable it was.  I know it's about gay men who kiss and have bad hair, and one of them lies.  It seemed like this movie went on forever.  The beginning dragged on and finally got a little bit better near the end but I'd still only give it a low 3/5.

Memorable quote:  I'm gay.

7. The Last Song

Well now, where do I begin with this one...  This movie has a 3.4/10 on imdb which I find a little low.  Yeah the movie was brute but it wasn't unbearable...  The cast was pretty good, minus Hannah Montana who I honestly think got her daddy to pay for her to be in the film.  Throughout the movie, and especially at the very beginning, she does this weird thing with her lips where she tries to pucker them up and make them look all pouty/sexy.  It's gross and weird and it made me very uncomfortable.  Her acting is totally family channel in this movie, and even the little 5 year old kid is better than her.  Of course she had to somehow incorporate her own songs into the movie (twice- one of which she apparently "wrote" for the movie) to show the world how awesome Hannah Montana is.  A few times I thought I was watching Billy Ray in a wig on the big screen but then I heard Miley's speech impediment and remembered who we were dealing with.  I don't know if it was all Miley who ruined the movie, but there was definitely something lacking.  I'm gonna give The Last Song a 3/5.  I wish Adam wouldn't have downloaded this because I'd way rather just read the book.

Memorable quote:   
Steve:  Do you even know what PMS is, Jonah?
Jonah:  Of course I do dad, I'm not a little kid anymore.  It's the "pissed at men  syndrome"

6. Greenberg

Not much happened in this movie, other than life I guess.  The story was simple and the characters were nutty.  I feel sorry for people like them because they don't know how to be happy, or don't think that they deserve to be happy or something.  I felt my blood boil about half way through when some idiot fed booze to the sick dog on blood thinners.  I actually felt sick to my stomach because I was so worried something would happen to Mahler.  But other than that the movie was good and the music was as well!  4/5

Memorable quote:  Hurt people hurt people.

5. The Secret of Kells

Ok first of all, I hate cartoons.  Second, am I high right now?  I can't say whether I liked this movie or not because it's next to impossible for me to follow a cartoon.  I have no idea what it was about, I don't know any of the characters names, and up until two seconds ago I thought the movie was called "Garden of Eden".  Adam went on and on about how nice this movie would look in HD... Obviously he's high as well.  There were like four colours in total, and the drawings were shit.  Half the time I couldn't tell if the big thing flashing across the screen was the guys hand or some kind of weird robotic gyratory rock crusher.  I'll rhyme off a few things that I can recall about what I just watched:  There was a cute cat with one green eye and one blue eye, there was a mean man in a vagina shaped window, there was a ghost who sings, and then all of a sudden I thought I saw Jafar from Aladdin in dog form, multiplied by 10.  I wish I knew what in the sweet shit this movie was about so I can give it some kind of a rating, but unfortunately I have no idea.

Memorable quote:  None

4. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

This movie sucked a big bag of sweaty balls, not to mention the sappy, inappropriate song that plays while the credits roll...   2/5

Memorable quote:  Ah!  My ass is on fire!  My ass is on fire!  Spank my ass.  Spank my ass!

3. The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Why is Robert Pattinson such a bad actor?  And what is with Jasper's facial expressions?  This movie, as with part one, made me feel very awkward and uncomfortable while watching it.  No one knows how to act- they all just make weird faces at each other for 135 minutes.  I used to be a big fan of the books but the movies have absolutely ruined them for me.  The music is pretty good though, and for that New Moon gets a 3/5.

Memorable quote:  It would be nice to not want to kill you all the time.

2. Chloe

We decided, after watching Pretty Woman- a movie about a hooker, to watch Chloe- another movie about a hooker.  If you're wondering about the picture, I just went with the first image that came up on Google.  If you don't like it then shut your eyes.  I was actually asleep when Adam started this movie and was out cold for the first 10-15 minutes.  I woke up and immediately predicted the ending without having seen much of the movie at that point.  Turned out I was right about how it would end.  The only thing I didn't see coming was that their house was made by Dalron- which would explain why the window broke so easily!  Another 4/5.

Memorable quote:  Kiss me.

1. Pretty Woman

Ok, so this was the first movie we watched.  I had actually seen it several times before but Adam hadn't.  The movie starts very nicely with some late 80's sexy music (Real Wild Child).  The movie continues with some late 80's sexy music (Wild Women Do) and ends with Roxette which is probably the coolest thing about the movie.  I remember when I was about five years old I walked down the catwalk to the song "Pretty Woman" at some kind of hillbilly winter festival and I won a Simpsons fanny pack.  Anyways, all in all the movie was pretty good.  I'd give it almost 4/5 mostly because Richard Gere was pretty hot back in the day.

Memorable quote:  You and I are such similar creatures Vivian.  We both screw people for money.

Introduction

Adam wanted me to play some kind of geeky movie watching game so I created this blog to post my reviews in.  It's important that you know how much I dislike watching movies and that there are very few movies I actually really like.  Prepare yourself for some really crappy reviews and lots of sloppy sarcasm.  I guess the object of the game is to watch 50 movies by the end of August which should be a big fat piece of cake for me since I have days off...  The hardest part of this whole thing will be knowing that I'm wasting one entire month of my summer life trying to reach a goal that I find very trite.  The things you do for love...